She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
