one two three fourrrrnication!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize