please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
