he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
