He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dicks are not precious.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize