True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize