I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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