Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
