I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
