Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
