You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize