she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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