so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
