spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I want a musical about memes.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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