i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
