HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
