I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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