i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I intend to get homeless drunk
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
