I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Randomize
