there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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