Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Mom said you looked used
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
