You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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