Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize