wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
