see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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