batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
