they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
