She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
