Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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