apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
