Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize