On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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