Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
