yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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