I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
