Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
