nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
