if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
