***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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