i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
