I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
