Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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