I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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