well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
