Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
