one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
