Whod you bang
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
