I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
