is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
