And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
