You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
