just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
