y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
