i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
