Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Randomize
