My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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