Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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