I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
