Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
what day is it and did you see me today?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
