Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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