Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize