There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
