its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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