Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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