I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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