There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
