I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
