I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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