Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
