A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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