I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
