My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
