so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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