So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
