What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
