i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
