I showed him my bush... on skype.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
