there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
