wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
