There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have demons in me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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