ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I am naked and annoyed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Drunk is a universal language darling
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