He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize