Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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