Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
