I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
