If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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