I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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