I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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