I can tuck mytits in my pants
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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