Will you blow on my dice?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
