He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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