I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
