my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize