I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
