Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
