Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
