Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
