I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
