She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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