I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
