I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
