I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
