Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
