Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
