She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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