Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize